i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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