my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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