yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
