I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
