why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
