If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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