oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
