I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
