Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
