Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
