i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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