in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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