Cold hands, warm shart.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
