I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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