i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
