I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
