he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
