omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
