so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
