is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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