I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
