our cab driver is having phone sex.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
