Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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