Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
