Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
