I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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