I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize