my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
