I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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