he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
