The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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