just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
