She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
