Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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