His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
