She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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