My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
