I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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