Umm I'm too high to move.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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