i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
