it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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