Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
