Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
