Non-Jews are for practice
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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