i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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