Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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