i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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