yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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