I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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