So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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