its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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