anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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