I wish I could punch you in the face.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
