I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
