When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
