At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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