dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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