ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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