my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
