I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
