i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
