am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
