I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
