We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
BRING THE BAGELS
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
