It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
