You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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